20th December 2013



 Issue No.  2013/24



Seasonal Update

After a year of Updates dealing with the sometimes mundane subjects of HR, Employment Law, Health & Safety and Food Hygiene it’s time for our annual bit of tomfoolery.

How good a ‘cracker joke’ is can usually be measured by how many groans it provokes; so in an attempt to rev things up for Christmas, we hope you appreciate this little lot taken from The Daily Telegraph website which described them as the ‘worst 10 cracker jokes’.

What’s brown and sweet and glides around an ice rink?
Bourneville and Dean

What’s a specimen?
An Italian astronaut

What do you call a short sighted dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us

What do you call a man with brown paper trousers?
Russell (this one got plenty of laughs in our office)

What do you call a man with a pole through his leg?

Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
Because he is a fun guy to be with

Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed?
He had low elf-esteem

Who was England’s first Chiropodist?
William the Corncurer

Why should husbands make the early morning tea for their wives?
Because the Bible says ‘He Brews’

What’s the longest word in the English language?
‘Smiles’ because there is a mile between the first and last letters.

It seems that the ‘broadsheets’ are not the only publications to cover this as the Telegraph website also shows Nuts magazine’s top 10 worst Christmas cracker jokes which are:

What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that is deep pan, crisp and even

On which side do chickens have the most feathers?
The outside

What kind of paper likes music?
(W)rapping paper

What’s white and goes up?
A confused snowflake

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?

Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?
It blew away

What’s furry and minty?
A polo bear

How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

I have to say that list from Nuts created more chuckles than groans in our office, though I am not sure we should admit this!

So, amid the groans we will sign off and wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and a prosperous and peaceful 2014.

Martin & the Sentient Team. 





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